April 2012
105 posts
Not going to lie. I’m hurting so bad right now.it won’t stop. I just can’t stop crying.
I love you. But its just not enough.
Can’t stop thinking about the last time we skyped and you called me that .. just blurted it out then couldn’t say it again.
Why do I keep doing this to myself.
I can’t sleep.. been trying to but yeah..
I keep getting flashbacks from stuff I read earlier that Im trying to forget about.. but argh. I know myself better than that. No way that’s going to happen.
Guess ill just.. Idk. Stare at the ceiling for a few hours and hope I pass out eventually.
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All I can do now is.. cry myself to sleep and hope tomorrow is a better day. I’ll be with you in my dreams, the only place I truly can be yours.
Love is selfish
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I’ve said it before.. I told you how selfish I am. How selfish my love for you is. I want you to myself. I want to be the one you love the most. I want to teach you what true love is. Because in my selfish heart I know nobody could ever love you the way I do. I love you. I need you to love me. I need to be with you. But I can’t..
More ramblings.. sigh
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Really, there’s no helping it is there? If I hadn’t felt this way, I’d been sleeping for hours now.. Instead I’m just sitting here, the television on in the background playing some creepy movie that seems familiar, staring at one of the pictures you sent to me. A real kiss would make my heart flutter, my cheeks burn red, … This one though, it makes me smile...
Woah. Creepy movie is creepy. :S WHY AM I WATCHING THIS?
Took a long hot shower. Brushed my hair just now. Not sure what else to do with my night. 10.30 pm almost. Might as well go to sleep.
Well, after I let my hair dry. Aish.
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Slaap zacht.
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What does all of this make me though? To you especially. What am I, or better yet, what am I going to be? Not a week has gone by, you haven’t made any clear decisions yet that I know. Though it’s pretty clear to me what will happen after this week. Let’s hope I’m wrong though.
Am I “the one that got away”? That might be it. Though it would be more...
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It’s not like I have any answers. Not for myself, not for her, not for him. What I do have is doubts, fears, wishes, pain, tears, dreams, memories, hopes I shouldn’t have. I could be anywhere in the world, achieve anything I’m capable of and more but in the end all I’m stuck feeling is regret. There’s nothing in life more painstakingly difficult to hear than...
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